THE NOD CORNER
After last week's Don Estelle fiasco, I've bin desperate to find some way of makin' fings up wiv Carl. So when Pete, Paul and Tony told me some bloke from a top German rock magazine was 'ere to do an interview wiv the band I saw my chance. "Carl's not going to be available," said Tony. "And we're doing MTV. So it's up to you, Nod." I dunno why. I almost felt guilty, like, 'cos it seemed like they were tranna make amends for last week.
Anyway, this Kraut bloke came rahnd that afternoon. Big geezer, sort of intense, with whiskers an' a lumberjack shirt. "You haff vays of makin' me talk!" I said jokingly, like tranna break the ice. 'E sort of looked at me, puzzled, and frowned. "My name is Uli Cullmann von 'Der Speigel', zer best-selling German magazine. You are much shorter zan I expected! But no matter. Your reputation ist far and wide in Germany, particularly your songs, worthy additions to zer rock pantheon. Is not so?"
I nodded enthusiastically. But I didn't realise The Nod Corner had made me so famous. " 'E even seemed to know about the demo tape I'd made of my own compositions which the uvvers had laughed out of the studio! "Yeah," I said. "Well, I try to write songs about real fings that happen to me. A lotter songs are sort of plastic but mine are based in true life an' that wot makes 'em- more worthwhile" I couldn't believe my own eloquence. Words seemed to swim from my mahth like one inspired.
"Er - ja. Und der experience of playing live? Would you describe this to me? Zer giving of yourself to zer audience?" "Yeah! I like touring abroad 'cos it gives you the chance to see different countries," I explained. "This year we've been to Brussels... Amsterdam... Cologne... Munich... no, sorry, Munich, then Cologne... Berlin..." Forty minutes later I was still in full flow. I wish I could remember half of wot I said 'cos it was all interesting stuff. The interviewer looked sort of drowsy - jet lag I 'spect.
"What do you zink of cinema?" he asked, sort of casually. My big topic, as it 'appens! "I like some films more than uvvers," I replied. "It don't matter if they're in black an' white as long as they're good. I fink films should make you fink, though. "Course, there's nothing wrong with escapism."
Suddenly Carl and the uvvers burst into the room. "I told you so!" said Pete. "there he is Carl. He's been trying to hog your interview! Impersonating you, I suspect!" "Who is he?" asked Carl.
"Nod, our drummer," replied Paul, staring angrily at me. "He's not important." "Ah!" shouted the interviewer. "So you are not Herr McCoy, as I was told! You are Herr Nod! Small wonders zis interview was zer most boring, trite load of zer cobblers I haff ever heard! I ask for zer organ grinder and I get zer monkey! Well good day!" And wiv that, he storms aht, repeating to himself, " I like some films more than uvvers! -PAH!" " I don't know who you are," said Carl, staring piercingly at me, "but you can give me ten press-ups for your cheek!"
And as I did my press ups, I heard the uvvers giggling an' put two an' two together. Set up again, the rotten bastards!...